Here’s My New American Woman Mindset Because This Is the Crap They Want Anyway

I’m just another handmaiden spreading the Good News.

Photo by cottonbro

I woke up this morning and flipped open the bible that I now keep at my bedside table to Jeremiah 50:15, “Shout against her on every side! She surrenders, her towers fall, her walls are torn down. Since this is the vengeance of the Lord, take vengeance on her; do to her as she has done to others.” Though I know that the “she” in this case refers to a city, it’s also referring to all women. I know that we have been evil in the eyes of God for far too long and therefore, the good men of our country have come to put things right.

It was difficult for me to accept this at first, but I now know that we often chafe against the yoke that leads to progress. Some pain is necessary at first to correct the natural evils of the mind and women, being the weaker, more base sex, should bear the brunt of it. For too long, our society has wandered away from the right path. I thank God that now we have the correct minds in great leaders like Sister Coney Barrett who has come to lead us to righteousness.

In my youth I acted as a man, seeking sexual pleasure without the intent to procreate. I took unholy drugs inhibiting reproduction. I forced sexual partners (plural!) to compromise their pleasure by donning an artificial latex barrier between their bodies and mine preventing God’s will. Worse, I admit to seeking, in some cases demanding orgasms–often opting to give them to myself if left unsated. Imagine my brazenness!

Oh, how I regret thinking that I should work as a man does, earning wages as a man does, unnaturally free from my duties of motherhood and sock darning! I should have applied myself to feminine vocations, stayed married to my first husband despite our incompatibility, and bore him many children. I wasted so many years exploring the world, defying conventions, and filling my head with immoral and corrupting science. If I remained faithful to my womanly duties, if I lowered my expectations, if I could just let the men (through the guidance of the Lord) take control over my mind and body, peace would be mine.

I won’t live in regret. Instead, I will focus on instructing the next generation of women, helping them…