It’s Stupid That Adults Are Afraid to Tell Each Other These Truths

You have a little something on your–

Photo by Sora Shimazaki

One night about a week ago, my husband and I were taking a stroll around town after dinner and we ran into friends that we haven’t seen in a while. While exchanging greetings, the husband smiled, revealing a canine tooth that was shrink-wrapped in a splendor of verdant foliage. I don’t know if it was basil from his dinner or if he had stuck his face in a philodendron, but it was not subtle. When I say not subtle, I mean like, visible from space. He chatted along, blissfully unaware of his jolly green grill and when he walked away, I turned to hubs and said. “His wife must hate him.”

Think about it. She either saw the situation and ignored it or didn’t look at him long enough to see it at all. Both options are terrible and I couldn’t stop thinking about whether or not they had a huge fight after he eventually glanced in a mirror and noticed that he had smuggled a side dish home from the restaurant.

Sadly, I am pretty sure they didn’t fight at all. Why? Because we are used to the fact that no one tells us the truth. Forget about the Joe-Biden-isn’t-president liars, the climate-change-isn’t-already-happening liars, the women-know-they’re-pregnant-at-six-weeks liars. It’s worse. I am talking about the people you know and love who will look you in the eye, notice the basil, and allow you to mortify old friends in the middle of a well-lit piazza anyway.

I know that there are good and not-so-good reasons why people get squicked out about telling awkward truths. It’s not always schadenfreude, although I am sure there’s some of that. People feel like they want to protect us, they don’t want to end up arguing with us, they are afraid that we will dislike them or resent them, they are embarrassed, or they think it’s not important. I’m not sure in what world someone would think that I would be mad at them for pointing out that I am in urgent need of a Waterpik, but sure.

Honestly, I do not care about the reasons. I am against all of them. I will now require every human in my orbit to be deathly honest with me about issues that, if left undiscussed, could cause irreparable harm for as long as they can’t get over their bullshit. I have made a list of the things…